Emotional Intimacy is the real luxury

It’s a rainy Tuesday night in Mount Laurel, NJ. I’ve taken myself to dinner at The Monterey Grill to write. I needed any excuse to use my Amex Resy credit (if you know, you know). The nice woman up front sat me in a booth next to the bar behind these two couples. Both sat at the bar together, and despite them showing their love differently, they showed me two perfect examples of emotional intimacy

The couple seated closest to me is a middle-aged black couple. Judging by the beautiful wedding stack on her hand, this couple was married. They sit in silence but could not be further from tense. If you knew what to look for, you would find a deep level of emotional intimacy between the two. They sat at the bar, angled towards each other ever so slightly. Their knees nearly touched and created a sense of closeness without being overly affectionate. The coats that hung on the back of their chairs matched in color and in texture. This pair was a unit. When the comfortable silence between them was broken, their relationship really shone. When the wife spoke, the college basketball game on the TV did not matter. When he spoke, she put her phone down. They turned toward each other, and the rest of the world was irrelevant. The Gottman Institute states that this behavior is a bid for connection, and it is a fundamental element in emotional connection. In a world that seems to be obsessed with status, flash, and imaginary haters, this is luxury. It did not matter that they were preoccupied. Their love was subtle, safe, quiet, and dare I say,y introverted. This is culturally normal. They, however, were not the only couple seated at the bar.

“They turned toward each other and the rest of the world was irrelevant”

The other couple was a middle-aged white couple. They displayed many of the same behaviors. The entire time I saw them, they sat facing each other or were physically touching. Neither of them sat there pawing at each other like inappropriate teenagers, but they did enjoy a touch on the shoulder or an arm around the other. I saw this couple laughing aloud and enjoying themselves fully as if they were the only two people in the world in that moment. Their dynamic seemed to be boisterous, lively, and fun. If these two were at a party, they would absolutely be the life of it. Every word was hung upon. Every word was responded to, and it was so nice to watch.

“emotional intimacy the real luxury”

Both these couples were full of signs of emotional intimacy. They were so different in their execution, but the fundamentals did not change. Neither was less valid than the other. They were just different. That’s the thing about luxury, really. We talk about quiet luxury and the luxury brands everyone knows. A lot of people know about Hermes does not make it cheap or fake. The difference is who can spot the real thing. Game recognizes game. You want to be amongst people who are able to recognize that emotional intimacy in its subtle moments and its loud moments. What you need is a photographer who is able to capture both of those moments during your wedding. Every couple has both. After all, you didn’t just fall for the person who makes you feel comfortable dancing in a crowd. You also fell in love with the person who fills your water bottle with cold water before bed just because. That can be hard to find, and that is what makes emotional intimacy a real luxury. -

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